Laughing or Crying or Both

by leanneja on June 1, 2012 · 25 comments

in Personal

I debated whether to write this post or not. Then I decided to write it but wasn’t sure if I would publish it. Then I had something happen to me this morning that pretty much sums up my life right now.

I run in the mornings with a friend. I love the trail we run on but I’m in pain this morning. We had been running for maybe 15 seconds when I fell. I fell hard. Now let me just say, I don’t fall a lot. In fact I can’t remember the last time I fell. But there’s a wood bridge at the beginning of our run and one of the boards is broken and sticking up. My shoe caught it just right and I went down. HARD! As I was going down I was thinking this isn’t going to be good. I’m too old to fall this far and hard. I hit so hard that the wind was knocked out of me. Now my chest, stomach, arms, hands, head, jaw and knee hurts and I have little cuts all over my hands from the wood.

So I’m laying there face down and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I think I did both. My poor friend asked me if I was okay. I wasn’t, physically or emotionally. I was still having a hard time breathing so I just laid there, feeling defeated. Thinking how this pretty much summed up my life right now. I feel defeated. I feel beat up and trampled on and feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I say this to my friend and she says, well there’s no where to go but up. You’ve hit the bottom. Yep, I did.

I finally pull myself up and we start walking, not running. We decide maybe walking would be best for a while, so we continue along the trail. At one point the trail goes under a street. The trail is flooded and we can’t get through. We can go up and over to the street and continue on the other side, but by this point my body is pretty achy and sore and I just want to go home. I’m thinking crying sounds really good at this point again. Or laughing, I don’t know.

Today is Emilee’s last day of school so I take her to school, tell her to have an X-tra special day (I’ll have to tell you about our morning routine someday) and head home. I always go around the big block to home because it’s easier than trying to turn around in school traffic. I’m almost home and I run out of gas. Well, I’m technically home but not in the garage, I’m barely in the driveway. In my defense our gas gauge works when it wants to. I can’t even deal with that right now. I’ll think about it in a couple hours.

Anyway, life’s been hard lately. Harder than usual. I think. What is normal or usual? You know, when it rains, it pours. It’s been pouring! Without going into much detail I feel like I’ve lost pretty much all control of my life. When did that happen? Do I let too many people have control over my thoughts and actions. Apparently. So now what do I do about it? I’m an emotional person. When things are happening around me, I feel it. I take things personally. I try not too but when things hit close to home it’s hard not too. Again, not to get too personal things have been rough. I feel betrayed in a lot of ways, but I can’t stay beaten down. I can’t let things destroy me.

So I’m thinking it’s time to suck it up. I’m pretty good about overcoming obstacles, but I have a hard time in the beginning. I think falling this morning might have given me the kick in the pants I needed. I need to take control of my life. I need to be happy! I’m thinking a big cry is in order (that’s why I love long showers) and then some Advil because that’s needed too.

I’m sorry there’s no pretty pictures today. It’s just not that kind of day, yet! I hope to be back later with something I am passionate about and lots of pretty pictures. Thanks for stopping by! I hope I didn’t share too much but my word this year is SHARE. The good, the bad and the ugly. Hopefully this will be the last of the ugly for a while.

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Rasonda June 1, 2012 at 8:01 am

We don’t always need pretty pictures or decor inspiration. Sometimes there are people who truly need open and raw honesty. We all have our ups and downs and while we in blogging world may not grab coffee together or even chat on the phone its good to be able to talk to “friends.” Hang in there and I will be sending lots of positive thoughts and vibes your way today.

McKenzie Guymon June 1, 2012 at 8:11 am

Sometimes it takes falling on our faces to realize that we just need to take a minute to ourselves and let out a big ol cry! You are amazing. Don’t ever second guess that!

Liz Chaisson Thompson June 1, 2012 at 8:17 am

Pretty pictures are nice, but what’s even better is getting to know the person taking them. We all have our weaknesses and moments of failure – and times where those things gang up on us.

I’m not going to tell you to cheer up, chin up and get moving. I am going to ask you to be gentle with yourself until the parts of you that have been bruised and dented heal. And, I’m going to tell you that I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time right now.

Liz

Helena Eriksson June 1, 2012 at 8:17 am

Wishing you a nice day all the way from Västerås in Sweden. Take care! :-)

Jeanine June 1, 2012 at 9:59 am

I’m crying right now because I love you and don’t know how to help! Things will get better and you sre so much stronger than you think. When we fall we are already down on our knees so say a prayer while you are down there. Love you alot and I’m here if you need me.

karin June 1, 2012 at 10:13 am

You’re human and I enjoy reading your blog, even when it doesn’t have to do with decorating or organizing! Keep your chin up, things will turn around!

Morgan McMullen June 1, 2012 at 10:24 am

God always knows what we need and sometimes it takes literally falling on your face to realize that things can only get better. I am sending up prayers for your recovery from the fall and everything else. You are much stronger then you think, but take care of yourself and let yourself heal before you attempt anything to big and scary.

Bea June 1, 2012 at 10:50 am

I came here today for the first time. Found you listed under link parties at Clean & Scentsible. You are the first link under Wednesday parties (it’s not working, by the way, so I had to Google search you.) Obviously, I was meant to read your post today. Your feelings pretty much sum up how I am feeling, so it was no coincidence I read them. I will follow you by email now and hope you share some insight as you deal with your feelings that will help me along too. I’m sorry you are hurting both physically & emotionally and hope you will feel better soon!

Felicia Woodward June 1, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I am sorry to hear things are pulling you down right now. I have been exactly where you are – feeling betrayed, lost, empty, crying regularly. But I will tell you, there are better days to come. No matter what happened or where you will go from here, you will begin to feel better and start finding joy and happiness again. I guarantee it.

Steph @ Crafting in the Rain June 1, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Hugs!! Hope things start looking up for you. And really–good for you for even continuing to walk this morning instead of turning right around to go home, which is what I probably would have done. :)

Joni June 1, 2012 at 1:51 pm

You’re on the right track…”just keep swimming, just keep swimming…!” you are not alone.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect…no one else expects it of us…we sometimes are our own worst enemy. Thanks for sharing…

Anjanette June 1, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I know it’s summer and everybody it busy but I am going to try and organize a card night because I miss getting together and “sharing.”

HawaiianLibrarian June 1, 2012 at 3:36 pm

What an amazing friend you have! She hit it right on the nose when she said there’s no where to go but UP. Take your time getting there and enjoy the climb b/c the view is awe-inspiring, just like you. Mahalo for sharing.

Anjanette June 1, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I just watched this clip on ksl.com and thought you might like it. It reminds us to keep on running!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wd_MYoNdf6M

ashlee June 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I love you! The ups and downs of life are not fun, but we tend to come out stronger because of them. and as Dory says “just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do wedo? we swim, ah ah ah ah ah ah!”

Gwen @ Gwenny Penny June 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Sending some love your way, Leanne.

Pam June 1, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Well it appears I’m not in the canoe alone. I derive comfort from that knowledge and hope you will too. I fell today as well. Weeding the flower bed in front of my house. Slipped on one of the decorative rocks and went backwards, straddling a full bag of weeds in the process. Two neighbors were there and there was nothing but silence until I asked if that was graceful enough. Reading your story made me realize that we both GOT UP. That is a positive step. Take care and hang in there and remember that living Is not for the weak. Thank goodness we are strong. Hear us roar.

Lynn June 1, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Hang in there! It’s not always a pretty picture kind of day & that’s okay. Sorry you fell & hope it helps to know we’re all supporting you while you get back up again. HUGS!!!

Ilene June 1, 2012 at 10:27 pm

I Love you Leanne. I miss you but I’m still here for you. Remember if crying doesn’t work you can call and just let it all out. You are the best.

Sharon June 2, 2012 at 7:27 am

First off I would like to thank you for this post. I have been feeling the same way for quite some time now, and support means everything to get you through. The reason I started my own blog was because of the great women out there, that are so open, honest and sincere about their own lives, making the ‘friendship’ more realistic, if you can understand what I’m trying to say. Sharing DIY crafty ideas, decor, recipes and pictures is just sort of a bonus to the blog life. Although, I too feel I can’t post unless I include a picture of some sort. hahaha…
Take care of yourself, chin up, smile about something in your day today, an post you d look forward to reading any post you put out there :)

Christina June 2, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Sending good wishes your way, hang in there!

Krista June 3, 2012 at 4:36 am

I feel your pain…not literally, but figuratively. My life feels like a downward spiral right now because there is just too much going on. Thanks for your raw honesty. I helps me to know that I am not the only one who feels this way sometimes. Oh, and kudos on running. I am trying to be a runner but, alas, it isn’t happening. Keep up the great work with your blog.

Lisa June 3, 2012 at 5:32 am

Sometimes life can be the pits – but the good news it that even when it doesn’t feel like it will, things can turn around for us. Hope you are feeling better soon !

Allison June 5, 2012 at 6:44 am

You’re not alone, it’s been “pouring” for me too lately! Just wanted to tell you you and your site are great. Hang in there, it’s bound to get better (that’s what I’m hoping, anyway! )

Ronda Batchelor June 5, 2012 at 5:18 pm

I know exactly how you feel! Just know you can do hard things and you aren’t alone! Crying often helps and so do showers! I wish I could do more!

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