I debated whether to write this post or not. Then I decided to write it but wasn’t sure if I would publish it. Then I had something happen to me this morning that pretty much sums up my life right now.
I run in the mornings with a friend. I love the trail we run on but I’m in pain this morning. We had been running for maybe 15 seconds when I fell. I fell hard. Now let me just say, I don’t fall a lot. In fact I can’t remember the last time I fell. But there’s a wood bridge at the beginning of our run and one of the boards is broken and sticking up. My shoe caught it just right and I went down. HARD! As I was going down I was thinking this isn’t going to be good. I’m too old to fall this far and hard. I hit so hard that the wind was knocked out of me. Now my chest, stomach, arms, hands, head, jaw and knee hurts and I have little cuts all over my hands from the wood.
So I’m laying there face down and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I think I did both. My poor friend asked me if I was okay. I wasn’t, physically or emotionally. I was still having a hard time breathing so I just laid there, feeling defeated. Thinking how this pretty much summed up my life right now. I feel defeated. I feel beat up and trampled on and feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I say this to my friend and she says, well there’s no where to go but up. You’ve hit the bottom. Yep, I did.
I finally pull myself up and we start walking, not running. We decide maybe walking would be best for a while, so we continue along the trail. At one point the trail goes under a street. The trail is flooded and we can’t get through. We can go up and over to the street and continue on the other side, but by this point my body is pretty achy and sore and I just want to go home. I’m thinking crying sounds really good at this point again. Or laughing, I don’t know.
Today is Emilee’s last day of school so I take her to school, tell her to have an X-tra special day (I’ll have to tell you about our morning routine someday) and head home. I always go around the big block to home because it’s easier than trying to turn around in school traffic. I’m almost home and I run out of gas. Well, I’m technically home but not in the garage, I’m barely in the driveway. In my defense our gas gauge works when it wants to. I can’t even deal with that right now. I’ll think about it in a couple hours.
Anyway, life’s been hard lately. Harder than usual. I think. What is normal or usual? You know, when it rains, it pours. It’s been pouring! Without going into much detail I feel like I’ve lost pretty much all control of my life. When did that happen? Do I let too many people have control over my thoughts and actions. Apparently. So now what do I do about it? I’m an emotional person. When things are happening around me, I feel it. I take things personally. I try not too but when things hit close to home it’s hard not too. Again, not to get too personal things have been rough. I feel betrayed in a lot of ways, but I can’t stay beaten down. I can’t let things destroy me.
So I’m thinking it’s time to suck it up. I’m pretty good about overcoming obstacles, but I have a hard time in the beginning. I think falling this morning might have given me the kick in the pants I needed. I need to take control of my life. I need to be happy! I’m thinking a big cry is in order (that’s why I love long showers) and then some Advil because that’s needed too.
I’m sorry there’s no pretty pictures today. It’s just not that kind of day, yet! I hope to be back later with something I am passionate about and lots of pretty pictures. Thanks for stopping by! I hope I didn’t share too much but my word this year is SHARE. The good, the bad and the ugly. Hopefully this will be the last of the ugly for a while.